Xanxus stands for?
by michiiyu
Summary: This is a response to Sorugao-BandGeek's challenge What your name means. Follow Xanxus in the quest to personify the meaning of the letters in his name! X is for X-rated! A is for Amorous no fix pairing for now. Warning: coarse language
1. Chapter 1

Warning! Character OOC, coarse language! mentions of sex and an epic fail try on being funny.

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It's X for X-rated!

Xanxus of the vongola family, when Mafiosi hears the name the immediate response is to stop their breath and to cower in fear. Everyone knows who the leader of the varia is, and if ask to describe then Strong, Deadly, Cruel, Terrifying, Hot-tempered, alcoholic, meat lover and lazy are the adjectives that can be heard.

Xanxus is invincible but despite the bad things that can be heard about him women can't take their eyes and hands off him. Of course most of their heads fly off because of that. But who can resist the appeal brought by the bad boy and dangerously sexy visage of THE Xanxus?

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No one. Women line up just to get a taste of him, they want to experience the heat, passion and release promised by the wild sex they'll sure to experience with him. But no matter how much women try to appeal to him regardless of their beauty, curves, lineage, skill (in sex and fighting) and kink everyone as in NOT even ONE is accepted. He won't even look at them! And they can only think of two reasons:

HITOTSU! He has this one awesome lover hidden in the varia mansion that he favors the most. The rumors say that she's a sexy blonde that is as pretty as a deity but as kinky and talented (in both sex and fighting) as a succubus. AND

FUTATSU! He is GAY!

But all those speculations are wrong! None is correct as in Nada! None non nai! Because the truth that is hidden by the varia like a golden treasure is that... Drum roll please... THE great Xanxus-sama is afraid of sex! Yes you heard it , in this case you read it, right Xanxus is suffering from Erotophobia! He is beautifully impotent! He can't get it up! LOL.

Now, now for the reason he can't get it up is because he's afraid of sex and why is he afraid of sex?

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Well, the truth is, he says it's because of an encounter when he was younger. It can not be disclose to anyone because it is really gruesome, icky, and you know inappropriate so we will leave it to your imagination. All that can be said is that, that experience includes whips, men wearing high heels, masks, bondage, gray hair, slimy shimmering splendid *beep* and insects and *beep* with *beep* and orgies with *beep* *Beep* BEEEEP* and women eating –according to Xanxus- *beep* in the secret dungeon where all your worst nightmares come to life.

So when poor 12 years old Xanxus saw that gruesome thing, *CENSORED*, he became afraid of sex and anything related to it! It doesn't matter if it's with a female or male Xanxus shakes, pales and just plain pass out whenever the makeup session starts. Oooh Varia tried to solve and cure this sickness they really tried, I mean a mafia don afraid of sex?, but it was just no use. Sigh.

So much for an X-rated encounter with the great and fuckable Xanxus-sama ne?


	2. Chapter 2

A is for AMOROUS!

Part 1

Xanxus is anything but AMOROUS! He is a strong, terrible, terrifying, sex scared Mafioso who will never ever be moved by love! Or so… people thought.

True, true, Xanxus is an eensie bitsy terrifying what with the exaggerated feathers that made him look like a bird's nest in a hay and those scars which pops out whenever he's angry but this macho, bad boy look is another misconception in the people's part… yeah right.

Okay so, Xanxus is really terrifying and he can easily murder anyone who tries to pluck away those feathers from his clothes BUT it is not true that he can't be moved by love. He IS awkward but he can do something as easy as being amorous right? And with the help of the Varia his love is bound to succeed! *cough*to fail*cough*.

"Fixing lens to 100x magnification… target lock on. Permission to shoot sir!"

"Permission granted… shoot to kill comrade"

"Roger"

Hibari Kyoya is walking out of the school when he felt the presence of a projectile flying straight to his direction. He immediately slashed through the projectile using his tonfas when a group of them came flying towards him so he Slash! Slash! Slash! He slashed through it all until he was surrounded by a rain of flower petals, specifically roses.

"What the-" the students of Namimori froze where they stand when they saw their vicious prefect surrounded by roses like an angel surrounded with falling white feathers. Ironically, the violet roses suited Hibari.

"Delivery of the bouquet successful" an agent wearing army clothes with a flower rifle on hand reported to his client who is miles and miles away from Japan.

Sitting on his favorite couch with wine and meat at hand Xanxus listened as Squalo put down his walkie talkie.

"Stage 1: Bouquet of roses successful idiot boss!" the white haired man reported.

"Now now~ let's set the next stage for the mission: Amorously capture the man eating skylark~ Mission Level ESU! (S)" Lussuria said as he pranced towards the corner of the room where he made a phone call to who knows where.

"Stage 2: love letter sending in preparation"


End file.
